North Pole's Adventures in Modern Life
by IzzyK97
Summary: North Pole has been somewhat isolated from 'normal' life for some time, and is a bit (very) behind on many things. It's up to Stockholm to introduce him to the modern world, with amusing consequences. (Rated T for my usual language. And a mention of plastic phallus'.)


**Yes, I know I should be writing many things. But this... it had to be done. Written for a friend of mine, involving our OCs Stockholm, and North Pole. Enjoy~**

**North Pole's Adventures in the Modern World**

**Computer:**

"Stock, help, this thing's broken."

"Okay, how is it broken?"

"The screen's all dark, and nothing works."

"Is it plugged in?"

"YES! I'm not an idiot!"

"Hmm, so you keep saying. Have you tried Ctrl-Alt-Delete?"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Fine... wait, North?"

"Hmm?"

"Is the computer actually _switched on_?"

"... Ummmm..."

"Is there a little green light?"

"... No?"

"JÄVLA HELVETE, NORTH!" **[1]**

**Gun:**

"Alright, this is a Tikka T3. Be careful with it; it belongs to Uncle Finny, and he'll murder you if it gets damaged."

"This is a bad idea."

"You'll be fine. Hold it like... this."

"It's digging into my shoulder."

"No it isn't."

"Yes, it is!"

"Oh fine... is that better?"

"Sort of."

"Ok, now aim it at the target."

"Okay... Wait, what does this flicky thing do?"

"That's the trigger DON'T PULL IT!"

"... Oops."

"... Oh skit... That's brother's car..." **[2]**

"What do we do?"

"Run, and blame it all on Denmark." **[3]**

**Vacuum Cleaner:**

"North, get off the table."

"I don't like it!"

"It's a vacuum cleaner. It sucks up dirt."

"What if it sucks me up by mistake?"

"You wouldn't fit up the pipe, see?"

"DON'T POINT THAT THING AT ME!"

"Okay, okay, calm down. At least get off the table and go sit down."

"... Are you _sure _I won't get vacuumed up?"

"Absolutely sure."

"Hmmm... I think I'll wait up here."

"Get off the goddamn table!"

"Stock, what're you doing NO DON'T COME NEAR ME WITH THAT!"

"MOVE!"

"YOU HORRIBLE GIRL!"

"Shush, and let me finish the cleaning."

**Escalator:**

"Just step onto it."

"No."

"Just do it, North."

"Can't we take the stairs?"

"This is the only way up. It's not that hard, really!"

"I'll stay down here. I don't need more pants."

"If you don't get your butt on this escalator, I'll go up there and find the frilliest pants in the world. And tell everyone about them."

"... You wouldn't."

"Oh really?"

"You would. Fine, I'll get on the escalator."

"Just step on. See? Nothing to worry abou..."

"Oh god, it's moving."

"That's the general idea."

"Stock, I don't like this. Why is it moving?"

"Calm down."

"I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!"

"There's no need to shout!"

"GET ME OFF THIS THING!"

"Step off here."

"... That wasn't so bad."

"I'm going to leave you here one day."

**iPod:**

"How does it work?"

"How does what work?"

"This thing. It plays music, but there's no disc."

"It's an iPod. The music's stored on it digitally."

"Digi-what?"

"Using a computer."

"... Fuck this shit."

"DO NOT THROW MY IPOD."

**Automatic Door (and bad shop sections):**

"Open... closed... open... closed..."

"Are you done yet?"

"Just a little longer! Open... closed... open..."

"People want to get through, North."

"They can wait!"

"No, they can't. Come on."

"Unhand me, woman!"

"What did you call me?!"

"I'm sorry NO DON'T TAKE ME THERE!"

"You asked for it!"

"Let me go back to the sliding doors, please!"

"No."

"I'M BEGGING YOU!"

"SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT EARLIER!"

"PLEASE, NOT THE UNDERWEAR SECTION!"

**Shops That You Don't Want to be Found In:**

"... What's that one?"

"We aren't going in there."

"Why not?"

"You really do not want to go in there."

"I'm going in there."

"Bad idea, North!"

"How can it be worse than an underwear section?"

"Åh gud ..." **[4]**

"What the... WHAT THE HELL?!"

"Time to leave!"

"WHAT EVEN IS THAT THING?!"

"NORTH, GET BACK HERE!"

"WHAT DOES IT EVEN DO?! OH GOD, IT DOESN'T... THAT IS DISGUSTING!"

"STEP AWAY FROM THE DILDOS!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE?!"

"YES!"

"WHY? WHY DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO?"

"NORTH, FOR THE SECOND TIME, IT'S TIME TO LEAVE ANN SUMMERS!"

**Well, that was fun to write. So, what did you think? Leave your opinions in the reviews section if you have time; they're all welcome! **

**Translations:**

**[1] "JÄVLA HELVETE" – "Fucking hell."**

**[2] "Skit" – "Crap"**

**[3] Stockholm and Denmark don't get on. Mainly because of the Stockholm Bloodbath.**

**[4] "Åh gud" – "Oh god."**


End file.
